We came back a couple of weeks ago. Back to the familiar. Back to the known. Back to the seen. Everything before that point feels so long ago, far away and almost surreal. Like it never happened.
I’m walking on the grounds I used to walk on. The same dirty grey pavements, building up like a wall with every step I take.
Walking up the same stairs to familiar rooms, my bare feet touching the same cold wooden floors they used to touch.
Listening to the same bickering people have with each other. Hearing the same complaints I used to care about.
Going to the same places, the same restaurants. Eating the same Phở at that small place in Neukölln I used to enjoy.
It’s all the same. And it isn’t. A year is not a long time, I know. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect everything to feel different but then again I didn’t expect to be here. Again. So soon. Isn’t it funny how strange the familiar can feel? How good and wrong it can feel at the same time. And how fast it can make you forget the unknown or even just the energy of the unknown. The boost of exploring, daring and pushing yourself – all catalysed and powered by the unknown. It’s all the same. And it isn’t. It’s a new same. Like me. We just need to get to know each other again. Trying new things. Making the familiar unknown. Giving myself the boost of exploring the same things new and new things more. Just because I’m back where I started doesn’t mean I have to walk the same paths, repeating things just because that’s how I used to do them. It may seem obvious but it’s hard to rewire yourself. You have to detect the habits that fitted in your life at a certain time and admit that they don’t fit anymore. And then you have to do something about it instead of repeating the same steps, finding yourself going in circles. Rounds and rounds of dissatisfaction.
It’s all the same. And it isn’t. It’s a new same and you have to own it.