To start something is always the hardest thing, right. If you are learning a new skill or want to get in your running shoes and just do the damn first jog instead of just talking about it for the last 4 weeks, the actual first step seems to be harder than getting the cherry stone out of your nose when you were five.
See, even the first paragraph of this post is ridiculous tough shit. Why is that? It’s not a writers block, that much I can tell. Believe me the weird stuff I have in my mind could fill a whole Brockhaus. It’s not a time issue either. You can always take the time to think about the nuts and bolts of life or to do something marvelous for yourself. That is not it.
In matters of this post the issue is: I have no fucking clue what I want to talk about.
Paradoxically this statement sounds vacuous. But let me try to explain.
A couple of days ago I met with some dear friends of mine and they asked me about my writing, in particular about this blog. What happened? Why did you stop writing or making Youtube videos? I came up with apologies and justifications about how I have absolutely no time, you know work and family. Life just happens. If the day could only have 30 hours, you know. I almost convinced myself.
I started this blog in 2010. Six fucking years ago. It was an experiment for me. I came up with this name and just did it. What followed was a long series of random stories on an irregular basis. There were phases of productivity and there was …nothing. The journey is the reward, right. BS.
Because the thing is: the journey can be rewarding, it should actually. But the journey can only be satisfying if you have a goal, a milestone, something to achieve before you can go on. And that brings me back to the statement above and to the thing here in general. Trying something out is great. Going different directions is great. But driving for hours and hours… you run out of gas at some point. (Sorry for the automobile reference – Germans, he.).
You need to estimate various parameters. And where to go for the next something, when to stop, where to stop and how to enjoy all of this. I didn’t do that. I just went on and on without anything really. Without an idea, without a direction, without a journey to look forward to and at some point even without passion or motivation for the experimenting.
But I am babbling. That’s my problem. And yours if you dared to read till here. I am sorry for the babbling…the last six years. But I feel the need to change that. I don’t know how but I’d love for you to join me on this mindfuck adventure of figuring shit out. I can’t promise anything but it won’t get less cheesier than this:
Let’s do the drive together, find something that is worth stopping for and reward each other with memories.